So the idea that I may be able to learn to write my own steamy bonkbuster a la Fifty Shades of Grey in a 90-minute class is irresistible.
On a bitterly cold night I arrive in a trendy part of East London, ready to hone my erotic writing skills.
The flickering lights inside and tantalisingly ajar pink door of Sh! Women’s Erotic Emporium – the female-run and, arguably, best sex shop for women in the UK – isn’t too daunting, but it certainly makes a change from my usual Thursday evening food shop.
Once inside I’m surrounded by fluffy handcuffs, whips and feathers and an array of things I’m too scared to touch, let alone ask about.
Then in the basement (or should that be dungeon?!) we get down to the serious business of so-called mummy porn.
The workshop, run by Mills & Boon, already resembles a hen do. There’s a gaggle of smiling women with glasses of fizz and pens in hand and the sound of corks popping.
The first lady I meet, Laura Dwelly, has her clipboard at the ready.
Blonde flight attendant Laura, 30, has been dreaming of publishing a steamy book for years.
“I’ve been writing something set in California,” says Laura, who got married earlier this year.
“I’ve asked my husband to read the first chapter and tell me what I need to change but he says it’s fine as it is.”
Before I can talk to anyone else our teacher Anna Boatman, a Mills & Boon editor, starts handing out worksheets.
We start with a lesson in Mills & Boon history, which spans 32 years of publishing erotica. But it wasn’t until 2005, when Virgin for Sale by Susan Stephens – its first title to have spanking scenes – truly outraged an American audience.
Fast forward to 2012 and US author Tiffany Reisz’s The Prince is their most successful erotica book on the market.
Anna gets us to study the book’s jacket.
The soft focus embraces have moved on and, like Fifty Shades, many new covers are plain, with no more than a hint of what’s inside.
Then she reminds us that the Fifty Shades trilogy started life as fan fiction on the internet and was inspired by the Twilight saga.
| E L James |
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I chew on the tip of my pen, wondering what mileage there is in my favourite shows, Shameless and Casualty.The Chatsworth estate and Holby General aren’t quite Seattle, where E L James set her tales, but then, she only ever visited the locations via Google Earth.
Anna lists her tips for writing a successful erotic novel, emphasising the importance of research.
I drift off thinking about the colourful exploits of various friends that I could use as inspiration.
Take one friend, for example, who showed a family round her home and forgot she’d left her red vibrator charging next to her bed.
Anyway, back to the instructions. “Get to know your characters,” says Anna. “What do they desire, fear or hope for?” There’s no time for daydreaming here.
“Think ahead. Publishers are always looking for the next new thing,” says Anna. “At the moment a lot of people are saying the menage a trois is set to be popular in stories.” Ooh la la!
Judy Graham, the last lady to bustle into the gathering and, by her own admission, the eldest of our group at 66, shouts out: “Granny porn!”
“There should be books for older ladies – grannies,” she adds. “We still want sexy books.”
Next, we’re given extracts from novels by Sylvia Day and Tiffany Reisz. We compare our likes, our dislikes, and argue about the power of the F word.
Then the climax. Just to test the theory that anything can be erotic if you get your readers to believe in the journey of the character, we’re told to write an A4 side of paper that puts an everyday object in an erotic context.
At the end of the exercise we’re split again. Some are eager to air their endeavours, whereas I’ve turned Fifty Shades of Purple – and mute.
But Judy is off like it’s the Grand National. Champing at the bit on the far side of the room are best pals Jill Ellis, 57, who works in medical supplies, and beautician and spiritualist Trisha Spillman, 58, both from Essex.
Later Trisha tells me: “I hear so much just from talking to my clients and friends that Jill and I want to write for the older, more experienced readers.
“We picked the workshop to give us a bit of a steer.”
As the night draws to an end and I’ve had time to toy with a whip and feathers, it’s time to go home with a copy of The Siren by Tiffany Reisz for homework.
It’s certainly been an education – E L James had better watch out.
source : www.mirror.co.uk
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